My Own Thoughts In My Own Words: 2018

Saturday, October 13, 2018

Two more For Now

You My Friend

For Marie,

You my friend are a treasure
I delight in our friendship
We've seen hard times
And kept each other in our hearts
We said goodbye, but it wasn't
Forever
You, I treasure
And I love you, my friend

VLC 5/13/18

I Don't Understand Your Way

I don't understand Your way in my
Life right now God
How long do I have to suffer?
You know I love You and I know
You love me
I'm just having trouble trusting right
Now
You know You have my heart, I
Just don't understand. Why?
Why do I have to struggle?
Why can't I live in peace?
Have I earned Your love?
Your way is confusing me right now.
I will try to trust You in this.
To learn to trust once more
Understanding is not here yet.

VLC 5/18/18

Not Enough

Wondering in my mind

Don't know what to say

Perhaps there isn't anything

Left to say.

They love other people

But not me

Did they care? Maybe

But not enough to love

I guess its OK, I guess

VLC 10/13/18

Monday, July 9, 2018

Random Writings not Found in my Book

Wonderful Friends

A soft smile on your face, a warm hello; I smile back. My heart skipped a beat. There’s a soft, gentle breathe in the air. An equally warm hello is said. Two people meeting for the first time. An exchange of names, there’s a shuttle click. Even though this is happening, it was a professional meeting. Slowly, the click becomes clear. There is a quiet, caring bound between us.

Missing Someone

I walk on the sandbar and my hearts not with me. It is with someone I miss. I feel lonely, wanting to be with someone I miss. I listen to the music and it makes me long for someone I miss. I grow sadder and lonelier. I look for something to calm my heart. There’s isn’t anything. A whisper and a prayer helps ease me. A prayer always help me through. I do love someone I miss.

Honesty

Your silence speak volume
I don't know what hurts more, silence or lies
Or are they both equally upsetting
Anger is what I think of now
Unresolved feelings are what I have
Now is not the time to ask me how I feel
You don't really care, do you?
I don't want to hurt your feelings, well hurt them
I can take it. I'll get over it.
I got over my mother's death
I can get over you.

Depression

Oh the hurt, the pain, the sadness
What it is I don’t know. Darkness, oh
There it is. Snap out of it. It makes it worst
One more person says it, I’ll make them
Sorry. Someone lift it please. Just pray
Won’t do at the moment. Wish it could
Still they don’t understand. Why is this
Happening again? Someone bring me
Relief please. Trust. I don’t trust anything
Right now. It’s not just sadness I feel
I’m trying to tell you in these words, trying
To make you see. As always I need to
Talk it out. Please listen, take the time.
You never know. Won’t you just help
Me please?

Confession

There is nothing like it. Nothing in the world.
Oh the healing. Just me and Jesus. There’s
Nothing to be afraid of. Getting it out and
Putting it in the past. The freedom. It’s like
A shower for the soul. Nothing to hide from
Him. The smile on my face and the relief in
My heart. Getting a blessing and hearing those
Words. Oh the grace! The freedom!

Autumn Blows

The wind blows and howls. I catch a chill. The
leaves whirls around the grey sky. The smell
of autumn is here. Pumpkins and Dracula will
get ya. Traditions are happening again. Wood
burning from houses, the aroma fills the air.

When Will We See

Lord, when will we see Your glorious face?
Things are a mess down here
Mass killings and such awful things
When will we see Your blessings?
It’s so miserable here
You call this free will?
Please be kind
Are You angry?
Send down Your Mercy
Come down fast!

A Quiet, Beautiful Wind

Like a quiet wind you blew into my life.

I looked at you softly

And I knew you were meant to be here.

Sometimes, I think, no please don’t

Don’t be so kind, don’t be so loving

But still you are.

Why are you beautiful? Why?

Like a soft whisper, you became

My friend.

Monday, May 28, 2018

Seeking Your Face

I wake up in the morning seeking your face. I ask you to be with me throughout the day. You smile and whisper good morning. You say that you love me. You say I am good. I ask that your will be done this day. I need to seek you all day long, through the good and the bad. I need to sit with you and let you tell me what you want for me. I promise to give my laughter, my tears, my sadness, my joy, my anger, my frustrations. I pray for wisdom, I pray for my family, my friends. I give you praises of thanksgiving, and I read your words. Show me your ways. Show me how to serve you today.

A Summer's Day Dream

I was laying my sleepy head down to sleep. The night was cold and rainy. In my mind, a picture suddenly appeared. It was a picture of a warm summer's day. I found myself in the picture walking down a long dirt road and barefoot. I've got a piece of weed between my teeth and I'm as happy as can be. I look at the blue sky and the sun is just to the right of me. I have no care in the world at that time and space. No one is with me, and that's o.k. I know I am loved and I will see friends later in the day, but this time is just for me. Even though there is no one there, I am not alone. My God is at my side.

Sunday, May 27, 2018

Missing You

Today I'm missing you. Everyday I miss you, but today, I'm really missing you. The fact that I have no way of getting in touch with you hurts, really hurts. I don't want a number, but an address I would be happy with. That way I can tell you what's going on with me. We can keep the lines of communication going. I feel silly, it's no big deal, and I should be concern with more important things. But it is a big deal, to me. I know I'll have it soon, I just wish that soon was now. Patience they say, be patient. Well that is all well and fine, but do they know how I feel? I can be patient, but right now I don't want to be. I don't feel like it. So, I'll wait because I have to. I'll just tell myself, it will come. You told me you would send it. It will come. I'm missing you and I love you. I'm missing you today.

Perpetual Wilderness

I woke up one morning and walked out my door. To my surprise, nothing was familiar to me. My mouth and eyes were wide open. I could not believe it. Nothing was civilized anymore, there weren’t any buildings in sight. And what surprised me even more I didn’t have any fear. Everything was beautifully green. It was just amazing. I turned around to find that my house wasn’t there anymore. Still no fear did I have. I had nothing anymore, but somehow I knew that I would be provided for. Without question, I started on my way. Could this be real? I felt a gentle wind. I could hear all kinds of sounds that were pleasant to my ears. Birds flying in the air, water running endlessly in brooks and rivers somewhere, gentle animals walking fearlessly in the wilderness. Oddly, I felt different, different from the way I used to feel. I came to the realization that somehow I had a new body. I kept on walking with a smile on my face and a melody in my heart. Suddenly, I saw old precious friends coming to walk with me. How did they get there? I felt nothing but gladness. One of them reminded me of a promise we made to each other a long time ago. I squeezed my friend’s hand and knew that the promise was kept. This was unbelievable. I was so happy to be surrounded by beautiful friends and they were all very beautiful to me. We all walked on. Awesome things we pointed at. We were all enjoying the heavenly aroma that was all around us. Pine. This was the scent that I fell in love with when I was a little child. I dreamt of my new life, the life that I now had. Up ahead was a path that looked challenging. I was definitely ready for it. My friends all laughed at my enthusiasm. I could tell, my friends felt the same way I did. All around us was paradise. Different sceneries we’ve never seen before. All we saw were mountains and wilderness, all kinds of trees, so many kinds of animals that seems unafraid of our presence. I had the most wonderful feeling and I knew I’d have that feeling forever. The hike went on for what seems like for a long time. We climbed over rocks, trees that had fallen down, roots that were huge. It was like being on an obstacle course that didn’t end anytime soon. The things that were difficult for me at one time were no longer hard. I hiked with such ease; it was shocking to me. My friends were all amazed too. We came across mountains we would never dream of hiking in our old life. But then again, life was no longer as we knew it. We came to a river. It was a peaceful sight. We loved the sound of it. We all dunk our feet in the river and took a drink. The water was like none we had tasted before. It was more than refreshing; I would have to say that it was life given. I never saw a wilderness so grand and so beautiful. The green foliage was so unbelievably gorgeous. We began hiking again. After hiking over mountains for the longest time, we came to a clearing. It was so magnificent. Flowers were everywhere, all kinds of flowers. The wind was blowing softly. In the middle of the clearing, we saw tents set up. No one was around. Then all of a sudden, we saw in one of the far end of the field, a man. A man that was all knowing, all gentle. We knew who it was. It was our Father. We all ran to Him. He took each of us in His arms and hugged us. We all felt so humbled. “Welcome home! I love you all so very much! Well done!” He looked at each one of us and asked us how did we like our new life. We jumped up and down for joy and praised our Father endlessly. He looked at me and touched my face. “How do you like your new body little one?” I thanked Him telling Him I loved it and I loved Him! He laughed, “You deserve it. I am so proud of you, all of you." We all got down on our knees and begged for His forgiveness. He talked to us and judged us. “You are forgiven my children! The life and world for you is no more.” I knew that the smiles on our faces would never be erased. Father told us that this was our new home and here is where we would remain forever. My eyes looked over the clearing. I have never seen a wilderness more beautiful. The mountains and hills were magnificent. The water in the lakes and streams were beyond wonderful. One of my friends came up to me and said laughing, “Well, we always wanted to go camping together!” I hugged my friend that I have loved all my life. “Let’s start camping,” was my joyous reply. So we went off camping together for a while. We were having the best of time. Father came to see us from time to time. He would talk with and make us laugh, swam with us, hike and play with us. We both wanted our friends to join us, so they did. Oh the things we saw! It was such a beautiful place where we were. In all our dreams, it could never be this glorious. The peace we all felt. What a feeling! Love was always around us. It was truly the best reward. We hiked along these most amazing trails. We saw things that we have never seen in our old life. It was incredible! Many different flowers did we pick. I spent so much time picking flowers for my friends. It was something I loved doing. We had so much fun communing with the animals. The fact that we could now pet animals that we would never thought of getting close to was amazing. The terrains that we hiked over was so challenging, but we could hike them with such ease. So we hiked all day long, just enjoying each other and being together. We couldn’t believe the beauty that was all around us. We never stopped praising our Father for bringing us home. The laughter was never ending; our joy was forever. When we finally got back to the field, Father was there, arranging a huge feast for us, and boy were we hungry! He laughed at our amazement! “This is all for you My dear children! Come eat and be happy!” We all hugged Him and thanked Him. We loved Him so much. We loved each other just as much. We all sat down with Father still praising Him and thanking Him endlessly. It was really and truly a family dinner. The best one we had forever. We all ate and laughed and talked about all things. Father really felt good watching our rejoicing. I ate my meal without asking for any help. Father touched my face and smiled at me. I happily smiled back and gave Him the biggest hug. “It’s been so long little one, hasn’t it? Well, that is all over with. No need to worry anymore.” My best friend saw what was happening and reached over to hug me and held my hand. She held my hand for a long time just looking at me with a tender smile. My other friend came over and hugged me too, whispering that she loved me. I got a warm feeling. Our new life was so bright. It would be bright forever more. There would be no more good-byes. We would now live in peace for all times. Everyone told each other how much they loved everyone else. All things of the past were no more. This was truly paradise, and for my friends and I, this was a perpetual wilderness.

Friday, May 25, 2018

YOU

You are special to someone

You are a special person

People care about you

You make people happy

You have a great smile

You are gentle and kind

You are loved so much

You are beautiful

I love you, because

You are you

Tell Me Why

Why is it when I think of you, I feel like this? You have touched my heart in ways not too many words can tell. There are no words for it. Something deep in my soul has been moved. Tell me why? Every time I talk to you my heart could burst, it over flows with love. If you do me wrong, you are forgiven quicker than an eye can blink. Whenever I see you I am filled with a joy I can't get anywhere else. It's not possible. Besides my thanks for what our Lord did for us, I look to the Heavens and I give the greatest thanks for you. I ask Him to pour out His love upon you just as we so easily pour out our love for one another. I know you pray for me all the time and I shall pray for you forever. You can't know how much I care for you. you don't know how much I love you. I know you love me more than I could know, I hear it in your sweet voice. I hear it every time you tell me you love me. I can't wait til we see one another again and actually have some time together. I love to get together with friends and you and have a great time, but what I would really like to do is to have a wonderful time with you and you alone. We could spend some quiet time together just you and me. Free to say what we want to say. Free to say what we wouldn't say when other people are around. We could hold hands if we wanted to, and not feel rushed when we hug. I like how we tell each other I love you with such ease even though we don't have to say it. We say it because we want to. Tell me why people have such a hard time saying it? I wish an angel could tell me why you have affected me so much. You are such a beautiful friend in my world and I hope you will always know how much I love you. Tell me why we love so much?

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Found You, Lost Lamb

There was this little small lamb that wondered off from the flock his brothers and sisters were gathered and stayed. The lamb went far from the flock before he knew where he was. The sad fact was that the lamb didn't know where he was and he grew frighten. He tried to retrace his steps, but it didn't pan out. He grew even more frighten. His wool was no longer pure white, his leg began to ache from all the traveling he did. Finally, he felt as if he could not go on any further and he laid down on the side of the path, trembling. He felt so worried and so alone. He was so sad, his heart was breaking. He was so lost, he felt that no one could find him.
Meanwhile, his brothers and sisters were gathering and listening to this man who took it upon himself to watch over this flock. He was the strongest, yet the most gentle man they have ever known. He showed the sheep the greatest love for them. This man laughed and played with them and they felt very safe.
All of the sudden, this man realized that this one sheep was gone. He grew very worried. He began to look about. No sight of this lamb. It was lost. This man knew what he had to do. He got up and looked at the flock. He told them not to worry, that he would be back and that he would bring their brother back with him. He blessed his flock of sheep and started on his journey to find this little lamb. He search on and on through the day and the night never giving up on his lost lamb. He called his lamb over and over by name hoping that the lamb would hear his voice. This man loved this little lamb so very much and continued, very patiently, searching for him. It was a very long, slow search, but the man never gave up. Oh, how he loved his lamb and long to see him again.
Long after the search began, the man finally spotted this little mound by the side of the road. He walked closer to the mound and noticed what he thought. It was his precious, beautiful little lamb. He reached out and gently touched the lamb's head and smiled. He saw that the lamb had tears rolling down his wooled face. "Found you, lost lamb," the man said. He noticed that his lamb's wool was no longer white and fluffy. He also saw the lamb's hesitation on seeing him. The little lamb felt unworthy and did not felt deserving to be in this man's presence. The man still smiled and brushed his wool and talked of love and forgiveness. He ran his hands over the lamb sore legs and touched his broken and tender heart. They sat together for a long time. After awhile, the lamb allowed the man to pick him up so he could hold him in his arms. The man told him just how much he really loved him and how glad he was that he found him. The lamb began to feel safe. He realized that he could believe and trust him. He knew the love he once felt for this man was still there and felt that love growing stronger and stronger. He wanted to stay with this man, he wanted his love and protection. The lamb wanted the freedom that came with this love. The man got up with the lamb still in his arms and started on his way. As he walked on, he started laughing, singing and dancing with his dear little lamb. The lamb's wool began to turn back to being pure white again.
They walked over a hill and on seeing the flock, began to pick up pace. The man called out to his flock. "Guess who I found!" The sheep shouted for joy and welcomed them home again. The man sat down with the lamb still in his arms, telling the rest of the flock of their journey. The man put down the once little lost lamb and smiled tenderly at him. "Welcome home little lamb, I won't let you wonder off again, I promise. You don't have to be afraid anymore, I'll take good care of you. I love you."

Saturday, May 19, 2018

Why?

Oh Heavenly Father, why is it that You should bless me with so many blessings lately? What did I ever do to deserve these blessings? I am so humbled at what I have seen. Why? Why is it that after a long troubling journey, You should bring me such gifts of love and mercy? Please tell me why after You tell me there is another rough road I must go down, You gently tell me that You'll keep me safe? I am not afraid of that road cause You've given me peace by my knowing of Your promise to keep me safe. I am just a lowly sinner in this life which You have chosen to give me. I kneel down at the feet of Your cross and pray. I have done wrong, but You continue to show me mercy. You hug me throughout the day and ever walk beside me cheering me on. Whenever I feel like I am going backwards, You softly whisper that it's all right and to keep going. You allow me to play and be loving without fear. You give me strength and wisdom to be there for my friends just like they've been there for me. Oh how I love to share my faith in You with other people and friends. I am cautious of how much I love them, but somehow You show me the way. Lead me Father, for it is impossible for me to do it without You. Why all this goodness? Why?

Better Than

You are not perfect. You;re better than that, you're my friend. You may not feel up all the time, but that's o.k. You could get me angry, but forgiveness will never be far away. I know you'll make me smile far more. When you are sad and tears are running down your face, I'll come and hold you in my arms, I'll even cry with you. We can always work things out, you can trust that. You'll never have to fear I'll turn away. I will never be too busy to call when you need me, even when I have to get back to you later, I will be there. You are never far from my thoughts and you will forever be in my heart, in a very special place that's just for you. I will pray when you need prayers even if you say not to, you'll have no say in the matter, don't try to argue, you will not win. You see, I love you very dearly and more. That I'll say over and over again, I love you. No, you are not perfect, you are better than that, you are my friend.

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Frustrations Of Having A Feeding Tube

Frustration is settling in and heartbreak is too. I know why I need a feeding tube. To stay healthy and alive. On the other hand, I do not understand. I don't understand God's way in this. I aspirate my food and liquids, meaning that my food and my drinks goes into my lungs and that is dangerous. This is not fair. Looking back, I have always cough when ate since I was a child, and I have been able to compensate until I was in my 40's. Why God, why me? Why do I need to struggle with this? Please let me know. I know I will have a new body someday in Heaven, but why do I have to wait? This is a painful struggle that I need to face. Please don't let me go at it alone.

Tuesday, May 15, 2018

Don't Be Perfect, Be What You Are

Hello very beautiful and special person. We're very much alike, you and me. I'm very beautiful and special too. Our hearts are so tender and loving. We care so much for other people, we want them to be happy. That's why we think we must be perfect. Got something to tell you. You don't have to be. You gently tell me I don't have to be perfect, so why should you be perfect? I'm going to gently tell you now, don't be perfect, just be what you are. Just the way you are is why I love you.

An Answered Prayer

Like a vision you came. A prayer that I have said longingly. It was said many, many times, so often with tears. Send me someone I can trust completely. A friend that won't turn away when problems come up. A friend who would love me as much as I love them. Someone who would never get tired of hearing the things that I fear. I could tell them the bad as well as the good and rest assured that they will stay. I always had my best friend, but I long for one more friend like that. Some say you only have one companion like that. Not so. I met you. On a cold, wintry day, I met you. Your gentle smile made me smile. We talked and shared together. I felt love right away. As time went on, we got to know one another and caring had a big place between us. One day, I dropped by the mail center to pick up my mail. I ran into you. We shared a warm hello and decided to walk back to the dorm side by side. "I never get any mail. No one loves me," I teased. I didn't noticed that you had stopped. Then I heard the sweetest thing. "I love you," you said. I looked at you. "Excuse me, what?" I asked slowly. "I love you." I got the warmest feeling. That was the first time you told me. "I love you," was my response. I'm sure there were hugging after that. The best thing is, I know that our love will keep on growing, it will never fade away. God had answered my prayer.

Sometimes I Wish You Were Here

O.k., a little honesty here. Not that I have been unhonest. Sometimes, I wish you were here. I wish we were walking in a field somewhere enjoying God's creation. We'd be talking about things we have always found easy to talk about. Things that other people seems to always have a difficult time talking about. I would take you to Boston, to Cape Cod along the sea shore. We could have dinner at a simple, nice restaurant, and I'd take you to my prayer meeting on a Wednesday night. Mom has said that if anyone came to visit, she would let us use her car. Oh course, you would have to drive. I would be so happy to have you in my humble home. We'd rent movies, get dinner ready for my mom as a treat, listen to music and have a lot of laughs in my room. We could do whatever you felt like doing. We could invite the Holy Spirit to join us. Hey, how about about Mass on Sunday morning! Now that's an idea! What would you like to do? Don't forget to throw in a snuggle or two. I would have to have you meet some of my friends, especially my other best friend. I know there would be a lot of love thrown around between us, there always is. That would be the best part of the visit. We'd have so much fun together. The two friends that are not afraid to hold hands. A hike must be a part of this visit. The other best part of the visit would be that it would be in God's time, and that would be perfect.

I'll Always Be Here

Once when I was at a community breakfast for my prayer group, I had a vision when father was praying over me. I went down and rest in the Spirit. While resting in the Spirit, I could hear a little baby crying out and I saw this little baby, a new born, in her hospital bassinet. She was crying out in confusion and pain. She seems to be crying out for help. Then I saw this tall man in the doorway. This man looked kind and gentle. He walked over to the tiny girl. He stroked the girl's tummy and small arms and hands. He whispered to the little girl and as He was whispering He said, "Hush little one, it's o.k. it's alright. I'm right here. I know you're confuse and I know you're hurting. I know your pain. But, I'm right here now. I always been right here. Right from the moment you came into existence I was there, right by your side. Don't cry, it will be alright. I'm going to take care of you, I'll always be here for you." I saw that this little baby had stopped crying and started to gurgle and to coo. The little girl grabbed His finger, sucking on it and was playing with it. The man smiled. "I'll always be here, right here." Then I realized who this little baby was. It was me, and the man was Jesus.

Monday, May 14, 2018

God, My Life Line

I look up and start to feel it. It comes back. A terrible feeling settles back in. Oh no. Not again. My heart gets heavy again. Guilt. What an ugly feeling. I get frighten once more. Ugly thoughts clouds my head. I know I don't have to be in this space, I don't have to be in this place. I get angry at the one person who needs me the most at this time. I make her feel even more terrible. I make her feel even more guilty, but I don't have to. This is awful. For the moment I am helpless. I scream please forgive me! I hear someone say why? For what? I try to explain. Someone says I haven't done anything wrong. I don't believe them. I know they're right down deep inside, but I still don't believe. I start to cry. I back away for fear I might offend. I hide my shame.Guilt turn into hate. I hate this person that needs me the most. She needs my love the most, but still I hate her. I make a ball and hide away. Somehow I manage to call out. Call out in desperation. Father, where are You? Please help me. I am afraid. Maybe I offended Him too. Please hear me. Somehow, I don't know how, I feel Him coming for me. In the midst of my guilt, He comes. He smiles gently at me. In the quiet, He sits with me. He whispered softly that it's o.k., it's all right. Quiet your heart. I talk with Him. Tears are flowing. I ask for prayers. I start to tell people who I know love me. People, I know that won't walk away. I tell them honestly what I am feeling. They will hurt when they hear what I have to say. I apologize for that. They say don't apologize. I want to hear whatever you have to say. They hurt for me, not because of me. I ask for prayers. They say without a doubt. I look to God, my Life Line. He settles me. He holds me. He keeps me from falling. He gives me what I need. I start to feel better, but I still hold on to Him. He takes all the guilt away from me. He places love and courage in my heart and gets me to love that person again and He'll do it over and over again if I should fall once more. He tells me that I am not perfect, and that's o.k. He accept me as I am. He loves me as I am. He once again tells me to accept me and love me as I am and He happily gives me the grace to. Yes, God is my Life Line.

Sunshine And Sweetlove

Not that long ago, oh say two years ago, God was sitting on His throne up in Heaven. He was down on earth. He looked at His dear sunshine and then He looked at His precious sweetlove. Suddenly, He had an idea, a perfect idea. He smiled at Himself, "I think it's time," He thought to Himself. He knew His sunshine and sweetlove met once, but it wasn't time yet. Now was the time. He giggled inside His heart, He was excited. "This is going to work, I know it is!" Out of their free will, sunshine and sweetlove both signed up for a weekend retreat, not knowing that it was part of God's plan. They had no idea what would happen as a result of this retreat. They had an idea that the Holy Spirit would change their lives, but they had no idea that the Holy Spirit had one change in mind nor that it was to happen that weekend. Ah, the joys of unexpectancies of a retreat. So sunshine and sweetlove set out for a weekend of fun and prayer. The two of them ended up in the same small group and the same cabin along with three other people. Somehow sunshine's sleeping bag's zipper got stuck, so sweetlove traded sleeping bags with sunshine because she could get into it easier. When it came time to pray for the Holy Spirit to come over each other, this small group had a special connection because they had shared a lot together. It was a special night for sweetlove, sunshine and the rest of the group. After the retreat, sweelove and sunshine got to know each other and became friends. God was pleased with the way things were going. Sunshine was to join sweetlove's household, but things didn't work out and she ending up joining a different household that was the right one for sunshine. Even though this happened, it didn't change their friendship. Sometimes, sweetlove and sunshine would have little difficulties that always seems to work themselves out and understanding and a great love would grow between them. Whenever they needed prayers, they would ask each other. Somehow, their prayers for one another seems to get answered in one way or another. On rare occasions they would steal away for some quiet time together in which, they always end up having a wonderful time with one another. Sweetlove and sunshine would always let the other know how much they were loved. That was something that came easy for them to do. Even though they may be far apart for whatever reason that God has, they would always be near in each other's hearts.

A Long The Creeks

What a wonderful joy to be here in the wilderness and so close to God. I hear the water running a long the creeks. I feel the wind as I explore among the trees. I can't help but smile with wonder. I come to a huge pine tree. I put both of my hands on the tree and look up. This is a very tall tree and it gives a pretty awesome pine scent. I feel so tiny compared to the tree. God wants me to see what He has up there for me. It is so beautiful. This big tree amidst all the others. I walk on and come to a rocky edge of the forest and feel like I'm on top of the world. I see the top of the trees and suddenly, I feel very tall. I look straight ahead and see the blue sky filled with big beautiful white clouds. This is so amazing! I look down to see all the creeks come together into one big river. What a sight to see! Oh how I wish my dear friends were with me. Like me, they would truly love this. What fun we would have. I praise God for what I see here. I could walk all day and take in the beauty in the colors I see. I would love to live here. Here is where I can forget my troubles. I climb a long a rocky cliff and I am not afraid at all. This is so much fun! It makes me laugh. I look over the wilderness and I see some deer, oh how beautiful! I see birds flying in the sky, I feel like I can fly. I feel as though I was in Heaven. I definitely feel the soft wind of God.

In The Heart Of The Woods

Oh how I long to be in the heart of the woods. I love the smell of the pine needles from the big pine trees. I really get the best feeling when I hear the sound of birds echoing through the trees. Every once in a while I run into a patch of wild flowers in my path which brings back very dear memories of an afternoon I spent with a beloved friend and a hug to my heart. I look up at the sky and I see the sun shinning so brightly. The air is so clear and crisp that I have to wear a sweat shirt, but I don't mind. I walk on and on just as happy as I can be. I look at all the different color leaves and I can't help feeling even more joy. I think in my mind, that this is where I belong, in the heart of the woods.

Monday, April 23, 2018

My Three Penned Books

The three books that I have proudly written are titled :

My Own Thoughts In My Own Words
The Joyful Feelings Of Christmas
As We Pray

My first book "My Own Thoughts In My Own Words" is a collection of poems and short stories that I have written over the years since my high school days and my college years. They are mostly about my thoughts on my favorite things such as God, nature, relationships/friendships, and good feelings. I also wrote about some hardships and broken dreams. In that book I state that writing is like an adventure to me, I never know where I will end up.

The second book that I wrote, "The Joyful Feelings Of Christmas" is a bunch of short stories I penned on the subject of one of my favorite holidays. This holiday has always been magical to me so I wanted to somehow capture that magic. I talked about nature, old memories, my spiritual joys and thoughts around Christmas. I even included a poem I wrote to an old boyfriend. Once I started writing this book, the words just seems to flow. I had fun.

"As We Pray" is a devotional and the words just flew from my mind onto the word document pretty much like my second book. I wanted to write "As We Pray" and have it be a simple read. One can choose the topic they want to read about and I made a point not to have it read like a daily one, like so many devotionals are. I always had trouble reading daily devotionals. One can look at the table of contents and choose what they want to read about. This book was a joy to write.

I love writing! I find it relaxing and challenging at the same time.

I will be posting my stories and poems from my three books on this blog, so check back here from time to time and enjoy!

Thank you!

Victoria (Vicky)

A little of my story.

This blog is dedicated to the loving memory of my best friend, my heart - Mom.

I'm Victoria Lynn Cain and this is my very first blog! I am known as Vicky by most people. I have been around for 50 years and I have Cerebral Palsy. I live in the Boston area. I am most proud of my faith in God and my two degrees. I also enjoy the fact that I am a writer and I have penned 3 books! My books are not published, but that's where this blog comes in. I remember when my parents got me my first typewriter, ah yes, the typewriter. It was back in grade school and it opened up a whole new world for me. You see, I was unable to write well by hand due to my CP. It did not hurt me physically as much as it hurt me emotionally. Every time I wrote I had to think about every line I put down on the paper, unlike the writing of most people. When people write, they just pick up a pencil and start writing. So I made the decision to stop writing by hand while in high school.
Almost immediately after I got my typewriter, I started writing my poems and stories. A whole world opened up for me. A world that I created in my mind finally came out on paper. Writing was beginning to be a real joy for me, it was something I could do and I found out I could write well. I was becoming an artist, an artist of words.
I began showing my writing to my mom and dad, teachers and friends. Everyone liked my poems and everyone liked my stories, so I continued to write. The more I wrote, the more I grew to love what I was creating. I would show my neighbor and friend Ann my writing and she began encouraging me to put my work into a book! It took Ann some time to convince me to go ahead and write this book, that my writing was indeed good enough.

Hello Mom

I miss you every day. My heart aches a little everyday

I long to hear your voice, your laugh

To hear your wisdom right now is just what I need

To know that everything will be alright

If only you could hold my hand and give me a hug

I feel your spirit with me all the time

I love you Mom, hello

That Smile

I walked in the room, my heart pounding. The dreaded feeling is already there, will I always feel like this? God I hate this feeling. I almost fell and they had to steady me. Am I ready? No. But I must do this. There’s no getting out of it. Deep breath. God I hate this. I walked closer. Someone, get me out this! I wish you could. Closer I come. Then, I see you. But wait, what’s this? You, with a smile on your face? A smile! I turned to question someone. No words come from my mouth. “I didn’t do this. The mouth is the hardest thing to place when getting a body ready. No, it wasn’t me.” I turned back to you. That smile, a reassurance. It’s ok, I’m ok, and you will be fine you seem to say. A miracle, some small help from God. Thank you.