Look Upon the Stars the Right Way

There is only one God and He created the Heaven and the earth. He also created the stars. God created so many beautiful stars, and so many people looked upon the stars the wrong way. They use them to guide charts. There was only the one time when the three wise men follow that star to Bethlehem and that was by God's instructions. People predict the future by using the stars. We did not make the stars as I pointed out before. The Bible says that they are not to be worshipped. Each star and there are billions of stars, are different from each other in its shape and beauty. It is fun to look up at the stars and dream of what could be out there or just to reflect on what a beautiful world we have. We should always remember to look upon the stars the right way, the way they were meant to be looked upon.

   

My Ode to Fishnet By Vicky Cain

                                      What a place to be

                                     

                                      A place of  harmony,

                                      A place of brotherhood

                                      Look around, all kinds of

                                      people that believe in one

                                      thing - Lord of All

                                       

                                      What a celebration!

                                      All eyes on one stage

                                      enjoying music, fellowship,

                                      prayer time, sermons and

                                      worshipping lovingly together.

                                      A gift from above

                                      A warm feeling was giving

                                      To me from my stay there,

                                       friendship and precious

                                       memories to hold on to

                                       with a promise to return

                                       one day soon for more

                                       Fishnetpeace!

                                                                            

Dedicated to Holly, John,

Judy, Diane, Kathy, Frank,

Ruth, Ray, Brian, David, Joy &

Alice

To Our Father in Heaven

 

                                        

                                                

Play Time

A little girl is playing in a big field. A big, beautiful field full of nature's treasures. All kinds of beautiful wildflowers. The little girl runs all through the pretty flowers laughing out loud.  She points at all the colors. A man seems to be watching her at play. He is a very kind, gentleman who doesn't bother the little girl.  He smiles as he watches and laughs. The little girl doesn't notice the man, she is so busy at play. She runs all around, jumping through the flowers. She is so happy and laughs, laughs and laughs. She is about three or four years old. She knows that she is loved. The sunshine is out in the beautiful, blue sky full of big fluffy white clouds. The man thinks that this little girl is just a smaller version of the sunshine. She looked up at the big clouds and dreams up pictures, and pointing, maybe a rabbit, a pony, or perhaps an angel. The man loves the little girl so dearly. He has all power to protect until He brings her home to her everlasting home where she will be able to play all the time. For now, He watches over her. A butterfly suddenly flies around the little girl's head keeping just out of reach. It seems to be dancing with the girl as the girl happily chases it all around. She is having so much fun. It makes her feel good. Her laughing never ends. She falls down, but she keeps on laughing, she isn't hurt. As she gets up, her eyes catch a glimpse of a violet patch and she points, screaming with delight and runs towards the patch of violets. The man laughed at the sight of her happiness. She picks a whole bunch and holds them close to her heart giving the biggest smile anyone has seen. The man put the patch there for her. The girl dances all around with her newfound treasures. After a while, the girl starts to feel sleepy. It is a good kind of sleepy. The girl looks over at the man and feels comfortable with him. So she walked over to Him and tells him she is sleepy. The man smiles and picks her up. He sits on a tree stump with her in his arms holding her close. The little girl drifts off to sleep, dreaming of happy times. The man kisses her on her forehead. He sits on the tree stump whispering that playtime is over and that there will be another time for play.
                                                                                                                                                                                       

Airy Hoofs

Somewhere in the wilderness, the trees are all dress up in their finest whites, awaiting an enchanted winter ball. A new blanket of snow had fallen the night before. It is always a beautiful sight, the forest in the wintertime.  There is a deer in the far off distance ascending on a carefree journey. Along this journey, she leaves tracks of her airy hoofs. A set of four little holes can be found in a row along a path through the forest. I wonder what this deer was thinking of as she made her trip among the trees of the forest. Was she taking in the breathtaking, sparkling scenery of the wilderness? Sometimes, it's hard to find food for herself in the wintertime, but somehow, Someone always provides for the dear and others like her. The deer has instincts and she knows how to survive during these cold times in the wilderness.


  

Restoring Me Again

God sees me in that state again. He looks upon me with worry. His disturbing looking face quickly turned into a caring smile. He gets set to work again. He gets ready, happily, for another challenge that's not really a challenge to Him at all. He knows I will listen and He calls out my name over and over again till I do. He tells me it's alright to cry just so I let Him wipe my tears away. He gently guides me to the right path again, being careful not to push too hard. He knows how fragile I am. He's, a loving Father, who takes me by my little hand and steadies me so I can catch my balance.  I look to Him with concern and He tells me not to worry, He is right there and will protect me. I am tired and weary and He picks me up and carries me. He smiles giving me hope and love. I lay myself down to sleep and He rubs my head tenderly and stands watching, helping me to get the rest I need. He lets nothing disturb my dreams and pours out love and mercy on me. He tells me how much He really does love me and what a good child I am, whispering that I am beautiful in His eyes. He gently tells me what I must do and points me in the right direction. He is proud of me and my accomplishments and He lovingly forgives me, letting me know to forgive myself. I wake up feeling restored again and I give God my thanks and praise, telling Him I love Him. I get up and start my day. He takes my hand again.


                                      
                                                          My Child, I will
                                                          build you up 
                                                          again!   

                                                                        

Sadness Again

I feel sad again God. I feel like I'm somewhere and I don't know my way back. I turn to You and it helps for a while, but then I feel lost again. I know You're here and You are loving me, You're sad for me. All I can do is draw near to You and try to keep the negative thoughts from coming back. They come back anyway. Why didn't something happen God? I don't understand. I know I didn't do anything wrong this time. The least little thing can make me cry. Sometimes I wish You come take me home, but I don't want to go home until You come to get me. It's just that this pain is so unbearable and I can't make it go away. I can't love myself. Will You please love me for me until I am strong again? My friends want to love me through this. They love me so much. I know this will never change. I know that deep in my heart I know this. It gives me comfort every time I remember this.  I think that deep in my heart I know this. Lord, help me through this, help me get the help I need. I need You God, I need my DaddyGod. Come and hold me, come and rock me to sleep.

Worlds Apart : What The Words Mean to Me

The song "Worlds Apart" by the Christian band, Jars of Clay reminds me of my personal struggles with the life inside of me. Struggling for freedom from real fears within me. The guilt I so often unnecessarily deal with. I have shared my fears with some of the people I trusted the most only to lose those people, which, unfortunately, has happened. I am left to heal my heart alone.  The sadness lasts a long time along with the tears I cry. The lyrics of this song hit me. It has affected me in a very strong and meaningful way:

"I am the only one to blame for this"   I think, how true it is.  In a difficult situation, I will take the blame on myself, not giving myself one inch of a break. "Why did I let this happen?"

"Somehow it all ends up the same"   The same thing happened before with the same results. Sad and lonely and brokenhearted.

"Soaring on the wings of selfish pride"   Although I don't have selfish pride, it is another character defect that I must have.

"I flew too high and like a charus, I collide"   Like a fool, I put all my trust into something only to get hurt once again and it's mostly my fault.

"With a world, I try so hard to leave behind"   The fears, the guilt, the doubts, the struggles and the thoughts inside my head are only parts of the world I try so hard to leave behind.

"To rid myself of all but love..."   Sometimes I am so critical of other people. A side of myself I do not like. But mostly, I need to rid myself of all but love for me. Sometimes I feel that my not liking myself is slowly killing me inside.

"To live and die"  When am I ever going to live solely for God? That's my true desire.

"To turn away and not become another nail to pierce the skin of the One who loves me more than the ocean, more abundant than the tear of a world embracing every heartache"   I know I am not perfect, but to me, I always seems to do wrong even if it's a little thing, I always feel so ashamed. so guilty knowing that I caused pain.   

"Can I be the one who sacrifice"   I feel that I should have been the one to pay for my sins, for what I have done. The one who should have hung from the tree.

"Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow"   All this verse reminds me of is what the soldier did at Christ's crucifixion. I don't think I would want to do this. I would want to run away after they have killed my God. Or would I be coping out by doing that? I don't know.

"To love you - take my world apart"   I want so much for God to change my world so I can love Him more perfectly.

"To need you - I am down on my knees - take my world apart"   I often struggle to really have God as the one true center of my life. I am always pleading with God to help me make this happen.

"To love you - take my world apart"   It kills me to think I could love another more than God, Himself. I am racked with guilt.

"To need you - take my world apart"   Sometimes I am so low on my knees endlessly begging God to take my world apart through my sobbing tears. These are the times I really feel broken, only God can heal me and put me together again.

"All that said and done I stand alone"   I often stand in front of God alone with all my troubled thoughts and negativity. Sometimes, I feel I am left alone by people I honestly trusted when things get too tough for them to handle. This is when I am truly heartbroken. I am all alone. What have I done that was so wrong?

"Amongst remains if a life I should not own"   I do not like the part of my life that haunts me. I do not like the guilt that comes with that part of my life, I do not like the fear that comes along with it too. I do not want to own it.

"Did you really have to die for me?"   I believe that I'm the one that should have died for my sins and my crimes, not Christ.

"All I am for all you are"   I long to be more Christ-like and less of myself.

"Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart"   I believe so much in God and I very much need Him in my life, but I struggle and fight painfully for this because my mind and being gets in the way of what I want and what I need all the time. 

These are additional lyrics to the song "Worlds Apart" and what they mean to me:

"I look beyond the empty cross"   I look beyond the beauty that's in the Cross and into a world of loneliness and darkness. I forget that I am saved from that world.

"Forgetting what my life has cost"   I forget what my sins have done to the One I love the most.

"And wipe away the crimson stains"   I kind of wipe off His Blood that covers me as protection against my sins when I forget what was done for me.

"And dull the nails that still remains" I forget all the pain Christ went through for me.

"More and more I need you now"   This is when I remember what I have caused, in the middle of my guilt and how much I need God to make me whole again.

"I owe you more each passing hour"   The more I sin, the more I owe God all of me.

"The battle between grace and pride"   The battle between what is inside of me and the life God so wants for me is very strong sometimes. I want God to win so desperately this battle. In the end, I know He will be victorious!

"I gave up not too long ago"   I do not want to fight with my God about my imperfections and insecurities. I want Him to win the battle all the time. He will too.

"So steal my heart and take the pain"   I say this almost every time I fall on my knees because I find that I have to pray this prayer in order to be truly happy.

"And wash the feet and cleanse my pride"   I ask God to wash me of all my sins and guilt as long as I live. Help me to become a much better person.

"Take the selfish, take the weak"   I lift all my imperfections up to God. 

"And all the things I cannot hide"   There is not one thing I can hide from God and I am forever grateful for this fact.

"Take the beauty, take my tears" I do not only want God to take the things that make me weak but also the beauty of my world and my tears and hold all of these things close to His heart.

"The sin-soaked heart and make it yours"   I am forever asking God to change my heart and to make it pure.

"Take my world all apart"   Always asking Him to take away all my guilt, pain, heartaches and all the things that hold me back. To take my whole world and fill it with nothing but goodness.

"Take it now, take it now"   I beg of this from Him every day.

"And serve the ones that I despise"   Take the evil spirits and cast them from my life.

"Speak the words I can't deny"   I want to speak of His words in all areas of my life.

"Watch the world I used to love"   I did not ever love the world that blinded me. The world that caused me so much anguish.

"Fall to dust and thrown away"   Slowly, God is that world and throwing it away for me, but with my help. That is the key. I must help Him do it. 

"I look beyond the empty cross"   I look beyond the beauty that's in the Cross and into a world of loneliness and darkness. I forget that I am saved from that world.

"Forgetting what my life has cost"   Sometimes, I don't want to look at why Christ had to die for me.

"So wipe away the crimson stains"   I want so greatly for God to wash the dirtiness away from me.

"And dull the nails that still remains"   I need God to do away with all the pain that my brokenness has caused me.

"So steal my heart and take the pain"   I say this almost every time I fall on my knees because I find that I have to pray this prayer in order to be truly happy.

"Take the selfish, take the weak"   I lift up all my imperfections to God.

"And all the things I cannot hide"   There is not one thing I can't hide from God and I'm so grateful for this fact.

"Take the beauty, take the tears"   I do not only want God to take the things that make me weak but also the beauty of my world and my tears and hold all of these things close to His heart.

"Take my world apart, take my world apart"   I cry and I plead with God to take my whole world apart.

"I pray, I pray, I pray"   I pray night and day for this. I pray all the time for this.

"Take my world apart"   Do it, Lord. Please do it.

These words remind me of my journey with my personal struggles. I must not go it alone. I must bring God along. I need to solely seek and rely on Him when I am in the middle of a painful conflict, knowing that He will never turn away, I will never lose Him. I need to continue to ask Him to grant me freedom from my guilt and relief from the tears I cry. To fill my life with meaning and take away the sadness. To take my world apart.

    















































   







  

The Christian Music I Listen To

I wish that everyone would give Christian music a listening chance. It has changed my life. I first learned of the music in 1990 when my best friend from high school and her family invited me to a Christian music festival called Fishnet. That festival has helped to make me the person I am today. I had one of the best summers of my life that year. Ever since then, I have gotten a pretty good Christian music collection. Some of my Christian music is inspirational, some of it is pop, praise and worship, rap, rock and yes, even country. I really love my music, I truly enjoy listening to it. It helps me, it lifts me up. It reminds me of the great faith I have. It builds my faith up and it is definitely strengthened. God is really present to me in Christian music. Through this music, God reaches me. He shows me that He loves me, that I am worthy of His love and His forgiveness. He teaches me how to live my life. He shows me how to love other people and how to forgive them, and to be patient. It is a nice break when I don't feel like listening to the secular music that often is not always that uplifting. I went to another Christian music festival called Creation, a couple of times. These festivals give me a chance to listen to new bands playing for God. If I like them, I get their music to add to my collection. This kind of music means so much to me. I try to share my music with other people so they can get the message of God's love too. The artists seem to be real too. They're willing to share a part of their personal lives as well as their music talents to build up the kingdom for our All-Mighty God.      

A Poem for Me

This might sound funny, but I'm writing a poem for me. I'm giving this one to myself. Why not? I'm a friend to myself. Sometimes, I'm too hard on me. I don't give myself a break, I give myself no mercy, I punish myself, I'm my own worst judge. Since when did Jesus die a second time and made me god? What friend am I? Don't I know that I am a good person and I am worth all of the goodness that comes my way? I haven't done anything wrong. Why do I think I'm guilty all the time? Tell the jury to go home, they're not needed here. I think I'm a pretty good person. I care a lot, especially for my Mom and my friends. I have someone to lean on, someone I can talk to, someone that loves me more than anything in this world, He even died for me. He took all my sins away and even brought my place in Heaven! I can tell Him anything I want and He will not condemn me like I so often condemn myself. Why can't I see me for who I am? I'm beautiful I tell myself. Like it or not, I am. My friends think I'm awesome. They depend on me because I'm dependable. You want me to prove it? O.k. I will. One friend wrote to me and told me, I am a sunshine during her days of gray clouds. Another friend says, may all my hopes & dreams come true for as my friend, she's wishing for the best for me. My household loves me enough to even want me in their household, and this might come to a shock, but the Bride of Christ household loves me too. I seem to remember someone getting mad at me because I didn't like myself. How dare I don't like someone she loves so deeply! I can go on and on if I want me to. Oh, and get this, my mother loves me. Beat that! So I better wise up, and I don't mean to burst my bubble, but I love me!


                                                                For Vicky a.k.a. Sunshine

When Mom Used To Hold Me

I was small when Mom used to hold me. I was tiny. Even when I was not so tiny Mom held me. When I was having a bad day Mom would hold me and make the day go better. When I had tears in my eyes Mom would hold me and wipe those tears away. When I played myself tired, she picked me up and rock me to sleep. Mom would sing soft lullabies in my ear and I would feel safe and warm. When I woke up in pain. Mom would hold me all the way to the emergency room late at night and sing to me all the way home. When those bad thunderstorms came she would jump in my bed and grabbed my covers and snuggle me up in her arms and she would still be there in the morning. When I was frustrated about not being able to do something she would wrap her arms around me and tell me she understood. When she made cookies she would put me in her lap and we would have a few. Mom used to hold me for no reason at all. That's when Mom just wanted to love me.



                         Ah, the joys

                                    of having Mom

                                                        hold me!

All Day, All Night

All day I cry out and no one hears. All night I cry out and still no one hears. There is a large boulder on my back that nobody sees; or do they care? I ask for help in removing the stone, but they don't listen. They just stare, they're too busy. All day, all night I wander about looking for help but find nothing and nobody. Even my friends are not there. Where are they? Why won't they help? I am alone. No one is there. Have I done something wrong? I am so filled with guilt, so filled with shame. My eyes are red and painful from crying. All day I search, all night I still search. Nothing. No one. Must I go on? Wait! Wait! Who is that? A woman is coming, coming towards me. Her hands are outstretched toward me.  She looks familiar. Her heart is open to me. She smiles at me. I see her through my tears. She is still coming. No hesitation. She is coming nearer and nearer. I know this woman. She stepped up to me. I still cry, but I am relieved. She embraces me. I have not been embraced like that in a long time. She cries with me. She kisses my cheek and brushed my tears. She whispered something to me. She loves me. I look at her questioningly. She loves me. After all that I have done. After all that I have felt and thought, she loves me. When no one was there, she was there all along. No restrictions, no conditions. I look no further all day long. I look no further all night. You asked me her name....Mom.

Worries

Worries, what a pain they are. Worries cause great anxiety for me. They keep me up at night. I turn them over all the time, but as soon as I do that I take them back. I cry real loud to God for help cause the pain is so unreal. I can't keep them to myself because that means isolation and isolation causes sickness. So I can't do that. I won't do that! I know where it almost got me once and I swore I'd never do that again. No way in hell! Besides, God promises me He'd help me before that would happen. Why can't I accept me for who I am? Why worry about what other people think of me either, including those that love me the most? If I think people are angry at things I say and do, I worry about it. Usually, I'm way off base and they're not angry at all. If they are, it's usually a small thing that can be worked out right away and so easily. I'm not a bad person I tell myself and other people know and believe that too. My friends think I am a beautiful person. So why can't I believe it? God loves me, so why can't I love me? Leave the past in the past, the future will come soon enough! I am not in this fight alone. God is right beside me holding my hand. And my friends, my true friends are with me no matter what. Why worry about situations that already happened and have been dealt with? These situations all have been worked on and with good results. Trust in God. I've got to trust Him, He will not let me down, never will He turn away. Oh, help me to trust You completely! You gave me friends I can trust and believe in. Help me to trust and believe in me. I want to love me as much as I love You Lord and as much as I love my friends. I do love You, Father, very much! No more worries!

                                Cast all your cares on Him,
                                 
                                           for He cares for you. 

A Woman of God

                                            For Sarah K.

The friend that I have met is such a woman of God. It is just incredible. To see how much faith she has in the Father, like a child who is totally dependant on Daddy. I don't really know her well yet, but I pray and want to. Her smile says that she loves Jesus with all her strength and with all her being. She is so gentle and so loving. She is not perfect as I know nobody is. There is something about her heart that is so tender, so lovely, it becomes her. The way she lives her life is very simple and so holy. She is so willing to give of herself and does it beautifully because she is so beautiful. It seems that it is easy for her to share her faith with people. Like many friends I have, I get a joy in my heart whenever she is around. I love to laugh and have fun with her in the Lord cause that's where it's at. And when we pray together, I'm left with a special, warm feeling in my heart. We get to serve the Lord together which is very awesome! She is very much an inspiration to me; she calls me on with her words and her actions. If I am sad, she gently asked if I want to talk about it and then she reminds me to go to God about the situation. She is such a delight and is an incredible witness to me. I am so glad beyond words that we are friends. May God shine His light upon her and bless her always just as He has blessed me by her being in my life.
                                                                                              By Vicky Cain


                                        PRAISE GOD FOR SARAH