Broken

I turned the corner and suddenly I see you. My lips turn into the biggest smile. There is my wonderful friend, I think to myself. I can't wait to reach you, to share some time with you. You don't see me. As I get closer, I see your eyes. Something is not right. You've been crying forever. I know you. I walk up to you. I know there is nothing but pain. I think I hear something breaking in two. I don't say anything, I just sit down next to you and let you have your thoughts. Tears rain down your face, there's nothing I can do.  I watch your fist hit your thigh, Whatever it is, the pain is just too great, too overwhelming for you. You know, I say, you're a good person. You just shake your head no. I get very concerned. You still won't talk. What caused you so much pain? Have you ever had to tell someone you love so much you just can't have a relationship with them anymore? No. I asked you who. You tell me. I can't say a thing. I know how much you both love each other so much. I go to show you my support by rubbing my friend's back. You shrugged away. You don't want anyone's touch, trust isn't there. You don't trust your friend, you don't trust yourself and you don't trust me at the moment. You finally speak up. Why is it that when my friend and I were as close as I thought we were, they couldn't be honest enough to tell me what was wrong between us? I don't get it. I have been honest with them and I told them they could always be honest with me, but they couldn't do it. Maybe they didn't want to hurt me. I could see the hurt in your eyes. They couldn't hide the fact that there was something wrong. I heard it in their voice. Right then I saw anger in your eyes. They said they were going to eventually tell me after they got it straight, but by that, I was really hurt and I was honest myself and I probably made it worst. I wanted a chance to tell them something before I lost the nerves to, and so I did. You look so sad. At least you were honest, I say to you. More tears come. I just said the wrong thing, I apologized. I look at you. May I hold your hand? Yes. I am proud of you, you know. This isn't easy huh, I whisper. You know I'm o.k. right? I know what you mean. Of course, I know.  I gently remind you of some things we have talked about. It will heal and it will get better. You promise? Yes, I promise. Don't lose faith. It takes all I can do to hold on to, my faith that is. Tell me something, do you feel like giving up? Sometimes. Please don't. Call me before anything happens. Promise me! I love you. I don't feel like saying those words. I know. You don't have to, I just thought I would tell you. It hurts so much. I know it does. I put my arms around you, you finally let me hug you. You can trust me.

                                                       I TRUST YOU SUZANNE

There's Always Heaven

They say that life is not always easy. Sometimes, you find a once in a lifetime friend - a friend you were meant to meet. A meeting planned out by God. A rare, planned friendship with no doubt to the mind. You realized the specialness as the union grows and strengthens. There is a bound that's really understood by only the two of you. People around you may have some understanding of it, but not totally. The love of God is between the two of you. That is why you love each other so much. The power to let God control the union is there. Nothing is forced. Sometimes, you forget to let God have control. This is where things can get mixed up, confusing. That's when you pray to God for help, make the union strong again in His love, because you only want it that way. Sometimes, God doesn't answer in a way that you would like. You may never know why. You just want God's way because you know His way is best. This doesn't mean you have to like it, but you must accept it. Questions are asked by you and understanding is so far from here. Only room for tears and pain. The knowledge of your friend being hurt by something you said is so real, it's the one thing you regret the most. It is an awful feeling. The memory of your friend crying haunts you beyond belief. It breaks your heart because so much love is still there. There is no way to take it back. You would move heaven and earth to apologize, but you're afraid to make a move. You are absolutely sorry. Never tell someone that honestly loves you so deeply that you hate yourself. It truly does break their heart. It's something you just don't do. People say you didn't really hurt your friend, but after hearing that dreadful sound, you don't believe them. You hurt as well. You don't really hate yourself, you've just shared something that is not easy to share at all. It's so painful, but you felt like you had to, get something said before it's too late. You know you must say good-bye. You feel that it's the best thing to do. The question is: how? How do you let go without having your hearts broken in two, knowing that it may take a long time to heal? Perhaps it will never heal, not completely anyway. The fact is, you don't. Your hearts will break, and there's no avoiding it. Not when there is so much love between you two. In this case, love will never die. Separation can not kill that kind of love, it is impossible. So you go do what you must do. It's the right thing to do. You still hate it. You plead with your friend not to hear some words between you, you can't bear to hear them. Your friend does not make you say them because they couldn't bear to hear them either. They will not say them as well. You can hear the breaking of two hearts loud and clear. You say one last prayer together. The time has come. I love you's are said very softly and tenderly. Those words are said with so much honesty. You hear a click, it's over. Before it is finished, these other words are said, giving at least some hope and at the time, a small amount of happiness - There's always Heaven.

                  I will always love you very much, my friend............

                                          
                                        In loving tribute to a friendship

                                           that will come full circle in

                                                       Heaven



                                 Love never ends...............


                                        1 Cor. 13:8
    






  

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless nights because of guilt. I try and focus on God, but the thing that I feel guilt about has got my attention. It will not let go. I was told that this thing wasn't a problem, but still, it will not let go. Another night without sleep.   

Coming Out of the Darkness

Coming out of the darkness is not easy, but it can be done.
Life is hard, and for some, even harder.
There are different degrees of darkness,
and different degrees of despair,
but to the soul, they all hurt the same.
Some must go through things longer and
must hurt more.
I often wonder, why? What's the point?
No one can answer that question,
but many say that it can be overcome.
For myself, I believe you must have faith,
you can not do it alone.
I know first hand how much a soul has to hurt
before coming out of the darkness,
but, thankfully, not all the time.
If one recognizes ahead of time,
they can get to work on
coming out of the darkness.
If the soul has the will and the faith,
like many of my friends and I have,
it can surely work.
All you have to do is,
have faith in the Almighty Father in Heaven,
with Him, all things are
possible.

I MADE IT BACK!!!
                                                        😃
                      PRAISE GOD!!!

Suicide

What this? I heard you thought of suicide? My heart sank at the words that are told to me. I have thought about it too. I've been where you were, although I took a different road there. My feelings were different from your feelings but we almost ended up in the same place. Think about it, if either one of us had let suicide rule, we would have never known each other. The pain you felt must have been real deep. I know, I felt it myself, even though your pain was different from mine. My pain was real deep too. However, suicide loss and life was the winner in both cases! Somehow we got a second chance and we won't let it go. Because of that second chance, I met you and you met me. We can know each other, we can laugh and share good times. We can depend on our friendship. We can walk hand in hand. We can have great conversations together. The best thing about all this is.... now we can love one another. 


                                                       
                                                                Mercy wins again  

I Don't Want It

Today you are sad. Today you are in a weird mood. I don't want it. I don't want to feel sad just because you feel sad. I don't want to be mad because you're mad. I woke up feeling good today. I want to stay that way. I love you and I'm sorry for your pain and I'll pray for you, but to feel the way you feel just because you feel that way, I don't want it. 

Longing for a Friend

She wakes in the morning sighing. She gets dress and eats breakfast and she sighs.  She keeps thinking about her friend. She longs to see her friend, to give her a good morning hug, the kind that lasts a couple minutes, and says all that she feels. She walks down the road in silence looking at nature's beauty and thinks of her friend's beauty. It makes her feel warm inside, and yet melancholy. She used to walk down the road arm in arm with her friend laughing along the way, pointing at the lovely colors. She climbs their hill and looks out at the gorgeous landscape wishing her friend was with her. She picks some wildflowers that they used to pick together and starts to cry. She whispers a little prayer in her tender heart for her friend. She reaches into her pocket and feels the rosary she used to pray with her friend and it makes her cry even more. She remembers the letters her friend wrote her and manages a small smile, but still, the tears come. She starts to walk back to the house amidst nature's beauty. Suddenly she stopped. What is she looking at? What is it? What's up ahead? Up at the house? Her friend has come home. Is it a dream? She starts to run. Her friend sees her and starts running towards her. Her tears of sorrow have suddenly turned into tears of joy. She grabs her friend in her arms and holds on tight whispering I love you a couple times. Her friend returns her I love yous. The friends kiss each other and she gets that hug she was longing for. They stood there holding hands and looking at each other. No words were spoken between them. Nature was always beautiful to her, but since her friend has been away, it was just not the same for her. In that moment in time, nature came back alive for her. The colors were somehow brighter, even more beautiful, just wonderful. Her friend kicked off her shoes and they started walking down the road just as naturally, as carefree as they did before. She knew at that moment that she would no longer be longing for her friend. 

                                                           -For a friend I met in college