God's Kingdom

Our place on earth has an end, earth has an end. Miraculously, there is no end for us when earth comes to an end. God will bring us to another world. He will bring us to God's Kingdom. We know this and this knowledge is awesome! God truly loves us. In God's Kingdom, everything is beautiful, everything is perfect. We will get to see the face of God and of Jesus Christ. Our lives will go on but without pain or sorrow. We will have no illnesses and our bodies will be brand new. Heaven, God's Kingdom unlike earth, will be everlasting.

           We will be in God's Kingdom someday.

Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and Your

dominion endures throughout all generations.

~Psaims 145 : 13

  

Circumstances

 In all circumstances, we should pray to God. We can ask God for help in all our trials. We are able to live in God's light through our difficult circumstances and hopefully have a peaceful end to these hard times. In joyful circumstances, we can and should give God the praise and the glory for His love and kindness.

Give God the glory in all circumstances.

I want you to know brothers, that my circumstances 

have really served to the greater progress of the gospel....

~Philppians 1 : 12

                               

 

Peace

Peace should be at the very center of your being, where God is. Peace should fill your soul. God is the only one who can give you true perfect peace, the peace you long for. Peace is perfect happiness. God wants all His children to be at peace, He wants all His children to come to Him.

           Come & and be in the peace of God today.

Peace I leave with you; My peace I                                                                                                give to you....

    ~John 14 : 27

   

 

Daddy God

How wonderful it is to be able to call God daddy or whatever His children choose to call Him. It is because of the great love that is between God and His children. We are able to call Him something endearing. No doubt He calls us endearing names as well. God created us, we are special to Him. Daddy God takes care of us, He protects us as a father would and He also comfort us. He holds us dear to His heart. 

         

                 Whenever you want, rest on Daddy God's lap. 

                                     That's my Daddy God!               

              ~ Vicky Cain

Prayer

Prayer is the beautiful conversation between God and His children. We can pray for everything and anything we want or need. There are forms of prayers, but all are beautiful and wonderful to God. Prayer can lead to serenity and to peace. If we listen to Him, prayers can lead to good and sound decisions in our lives. Blessings and graces can be received from praying. Prayer can bring us closer to God, make us to grow more in love with God. Prayer is a way of life for God's children.

            

                Go to God with your needs in prayer.

Now, O my God, let thy eyes be open and thy

ears attentive to a prayer....

   ~2 Chronicles 6 : 40

 

Blessed Mother Mary

Mary was simply an instrument used by God. That is simply not so. God hand picked Mary to be the mother of His Son, Jesus. Jesus was born of Mary because of her faithfulness and obedience to God.  Her answer was "fiat," yes. She is to be respected as the mother of God. While we honor Mary, she directs us to her Son who we are to follow only and completely. Her Son is Lord of all. We, God's children are truly thankful for the Blessed Mother Mary's selfless fiat.

                 We honor you, Mother Mary! 

Totus Tuus ("I am completely yours O Mary")

"From my earliest years, my own devotion to Mary was

  deeply joined to my faith in Christ."

~St. Pope John Paul II

From: Crossing the Threshold of Hope

 

Him Alone

God wants us to think of Him as our main source for everything we want and need. We should always seek Him and Him alone. In all actuality, we need only God's approval, and we don't have to do anything to earn it. He already approves of us. God already loves us and sees the good in us. We are His children. We have the prize when we seek Him. That is unconditional love. Seek Him alone, trust in Him alone and you will know true joy and happiness in your heart.

              Trust in Him and Him alone.

In Christ alone, I place my trust. 

   

   ~Shawn Craig / Don Kogh

Beautiful Eucharist

When we receive Communion, we receive blessings from God and we go in thanksgiving. The  Eucharist is beautiful in that Jesus is with us and remains with us. It is the most powerful force. You can feel the power of Jesus within you. The power gets you through the day, through the week. The promise that Jesus will stay with us until He comes back for us is kept in the Eucharist. We can even sit with Him for awhile at Adoration. So much beauty is offered us in the Body of Jesus. Praise be to God.

                   Receive Jesus in the Eucharist

                             as often as you can.

Hidden in the Eucharist is the way to humility and

faith. Hidden in the Host is the key to love. And in the

Eucharist, most importantly, are the keys to Heaven.

   ~Michael H. Brown

      Taken from the book, Secrets of the Eucharist

 

The Way, The Truth & The Life

The only way to live is, by the way, the truth and the life. God's way is the best way known to mankind. It is impossible to go wrong if you live your life in this way. It is your perfect direction. The "way" can only bring you peace and happiness. Scripture and its knowledge can lead you down this path. Scripture is also your perfect direction to living your life. It is the truth. Perfect wisdom is in God. The truth in God's Word cannot lead you astray and that is a promise we can rely on when all else fails. 

                   In your life, live the perfect direction!

How often have I read these words to myself.... They mean, of course, that

the Lord Jesus is truly Lord.... he is the way to the Father.

                  ~Fr. Michael Scanlan, T.O.R

             Taken from the book, "Let The Fire Fall"

Grace

Grace is a gift from God, God's great love for us, His children. Grace to see, grace to hear, grace to know. Graces are beautiful. Sometimes, you can tell when someone's been touch by grace just by looking at them. They are radiant. God has touched these people with His love. Grace can touch all people if people would let His grace in. Answered prayers are beautiful graces when the prayer has been prayed for a long time. To be met by grace is to be blessed. And to be blessed by God is such a beautiful gift.

                Be touch by grace today.

Into your hands, Oh Lord, we place this great quality of Mother Teresa. 

God grant us the grace to learn and practice this great quality of simplicity

and humility from her.

     ~ Taken from the web site "Mother Teresa, Condolence Meeting 

                      Bangalore"

  

Ultimate Love

God's love is the greatest treasure we can have. God's ultimate love. The warmth that is around our hearts. This is when God is not just the Father, He's our Father: Abba. No one can love like our Father can. That certain kind of love no one else can have for us. That love can keep us feeling warm all our lives through. It keeps us going. It will never end. Even after our death, God's love will always remain with us.

              Enjoy God's ultimate love forever.

                       

I have loved you with an everlasting

love....

                                                

       Jeremiah  31 : 3

Humbleness

Humbleness is a beautiful trait to possess. It enables your heart to live in freedom. Joy fills your being. Be humble and your life will be full with happiness. It draws a soul closer to God. Love should be the center of your world. Humbleness and love goes hand in hand.

                Be humble and find happiness

  

"The Lord has called me to this way of simplicity

and humbleness and He has pointed this out to me

Himself, and for those that will believe and follow

after me. The Lord has told me He would have me

poor and foolish in this world."

~St. Francis of Assisi

God's Comfort

Gods comfort. There's nothing more awesome than God's comfort. Picture God there when you're sad or hurting. He is there with arms open wide, waiting for you to snuggle up to Him. He'll take your cares away. Just like your earthly dad, He loves you so much. Better yet, God loves you so much more than your earthly dad ever could. You are His child. God's comfort is so peaceful and loving. You can't ever get that feeling from anywhere else. God's comfort is such a joy.

                            Bask in the peace of God's

                                     comfort today.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord

Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God 

of all comfort....

        2 Cor. 1 : 3

Precious Silence

I come into Your little house Lord. Nothing like sitting with You. Praising You, I am so grateful for everything that You do for me in this precious silence. Praying to You, asking for help for my loved ones, and for strength to carry on in this life in this precious silence. Talking to You, telling You of how I am, good or bad in this precious silence. I sense You whispering to me, You direct me to the right path in this precious silence. I see Your Presence so clearly in this precious silence.   

           Enjoy His Precious

               Silence today!

The object of Eucharistic Adoration is the divine person of Jesus

Christ, present in the Blessed Sacrament. There is nothing

greater or holier we can do on earth than this adoration.

            -St. Peter Julian Eymnard

A Holy Place

Everyone should have a holy place where they can go which is holy for them. A place that

brings them close to God. People need a place to spiritually cleanse their minds. The beauty of such a place can bring peace to one's soul. A holy place has a silence in its halls that can enable the soul to hear the quiet voice of God. The love of His words can fill the soul's heart.

            Spend some time in that holy place.

                           

As you enter the house, salute it. And if

the hose is worthy, let your peace come 

upon it....

                

                Mat. 10 : 12 & 13

                                                                                                          

Praising God with Melody

Oh how much more we get out of our praising if we praise our Almighty with song. A hymn with melody is such sweetness to the ear of the soul. It is even more sweetness to the ears of God. The echo throughout the sanctuary is such a beautiful sound. It makes the soul come alive with pure joy. The soul shows that it is so loved with its maker by the sound in the melody of which that soul makes.

                          Sing a joyful sound.

How I wept, deeply moved by your hymns, songs,

and the voices that echoed through your church!

What emotion I experienced in them! Those sounds

flowed into my ears, distilling the truth in my heart. 

A feeling of devotion surged within me, and tears

streamed down my face - tears that did me good.

                             ~St. Augustine

Love and Mercy

God calls us to give love and mercy every day of our lives. St. Aquinas once wrote, "To love is to will the good of another." As God's children, we are asked to love and care for another in good times and bad times, especially in times of need. We are meant to be understanding and kind creatures. To give of our faith and share what we have is what pleases God the most. We are able to love and to give because God loves us first. We are expected to be merciful to those who are less fortunate. Charity is just one of the ways that bring us closer to God.

           Let give of ourselves every day.

Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; 

maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.

Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from

the hands of the wicked.

      

                                ~Psalms  82: 3+4     

                            

Spirit

So many people today live in the world. They are confused and troubled. They can find no medium ground. They're trapped because they don't know the Spirit of God. If only people could stop and listen to the wind of the Spirit. Learn how to live in that Spirit. People would feel the peace and love of God. Their minds would be clear and refreshed. Oh what a better place this world would be.

  

 Rely on the wind of the Spirit. 

If we live by the spirit, let us also

walk by the spirit.

         ~Galatians 5:25 

The Peace of God

Sometimes when we are in the midst of challenging things we can move away from the peace of God. We can trap ourselves into thinking we can never do this thing right or we'll never get this done.  We must take a moment to focus on God. Take time to go do something that reminds us of God. Nature is the perfect place to get back to the peace of God. There's something quiet when we look at nature that makes us calm down and God's peace comes back to us. For when we have the peace of God within us, we can get things done.

                              Take a look at nature today.

 How blessed are those who love You!

They will rejoice in Your peace....

      Tobit  13:14

Cross on The Bedroom Wall

What do you think about when you look at the cross on the bedroom wall? Do you think about your life in Jesus? Is it His life, or the death He died for you? The Crucifix can be a great instrument of meditation. It can help you enter into a state of prayer you wish to be in. A quiet reminder of God. Ask what you want of Him in this state. Jesus died upon that cross for you. He died for the love of you. To make you innocent in His Blood. He offered Himself up for you. Offer yourself up for Him. 

                    Pray Before the cross today.

      

A man who was completely innocent offered himself as a

sacrifice for the good of others, including his enemies, and

became the ransom of the world. It was a perfect act.

~Mahatma Gandhi

My Third Book: As We Pray

In these next blogs, I will add the third book that I wrote.

I wrote this devotional book, "As We Pray," as a topical devotional. Throughout my life, I tried to read and keep up with daily devotionals, but I could never keep it going. I could never see these books through. I would look for topical devotionals, but I could never find any. Then I had an idea, why not write one, I am a writer anyway. 

God's Blessings

                           Thank You for the many blessings You have given

                            us. For hugs just because. For good results after

                            hard labor. For very special friends you wondered

                            how you ever got along without. For the cleansing

                            souls after hard trials. For freedom to love perfectly

                            in You. The right to praise You in the most intimate

                            way. Thank You for loving us and thank You for 

                            answered prayers.

  

God Has Blessed Me

All my life I have long for someone, someone to share my feelings with. I mean really share my feelings. Someone I can be totally myself with. Someone I don't have to be afraid of leaving and losing contact with. They always tell me friends come and go, sometimes without saying why. How true friends come and go, but I often tell myself, when will I find an everlasting friend? Someone who will always be here, even if they're halfway around the world, they're there for me. Well, I found somebody. Someone who I can talk to even about silly things that are upsetting me and she'll listen and understand most of the time. I had to learn that she really cares, that she loves me no matter what. She trusts me. I trust her. I have cried in front of her. She'd cried in front of me. She knows I have insecurities and she understands. I'm learning that I am secure with her as my friend and she is patient with me. I am patient with her. We have the space we need. Sometimes, I messed up with that and she gently reminds me. Sometimes, I remind myself and back away a little. We always come back together stronger. Does she know how lucky I am to have her in my life?  We have something that we do together and that's our special time. Sometimes we steal time for each other even if it's just five minutes. Why is it that she is so kind and giving? She gives like no one else does. She gives in her own way. Don't mistake me. She's not perfect, no one's perfect, I just have a very special place in my heart for her. I pray I never hurt her. If I do, I hope I would have her forgiveness. She's not a huggy person, but when she smiles at me, she hugs my heart, and when she does hugs me, I feel hugged all day long. When she says I love you, I feel extra special cause she loves me as much as I love her. I love my friend.

Take My Hand

One day, not long ago, I called my best friend. I was sobbing into the phone. "What is it, my friend? What is so wrong?" I knew she would understand. "I just lost something," was my reply. "What did you lose?" "My very special friend." "How? Vicky, talk to me." She knew who I meant. I cried for a minute or two. "I had to tell her. She wasn't talking to me and I got frightened of what she might have told me, and she couldn't, so I told her what was on my mind." My best friend knew what I told this friend. "I'm a loser! I hate myself and I'm a loser!" "Vicky, come on, you are not!" "I had to do it, I saw no other way. I had to be honest, she wasn't going to be." "I'm telling you, you did what you thought was right. You did the right thing. I'm your best friend, I know this hurts." "This hurts like hell."  "I know it does, and I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere." "She doesn't think, well, you know, does she?" "No. Even if she did, all that matters is what's inside you. You're a good person Vicks, you are a good person. I know you love her, but right now you're what's important. O.k., you hurt her, but you're hurt too. Stop taking all the blame. You are going to get through this. Take my hand and we'll go through this together." "Why haven't I lost you yet?" "And you never will. You know that. We've been through so much shit together, we've always been honest, even when it hurt, we've yelled at each other, not talked (never for long). We have understood when no one else did. I never once said that's it. You're my best friend, I'm always gonna love you. I know just about everything about you, even stuff you're afraid other people will turn away if they knew, which I doubt. This friend, believe it or not right now, from what you told me, loves you still, very much." "Yeah, whatever." "She does, and I love you, and that will never change. I know you've heard that before too. But, it's true. You will make it."

                      My friend, Suzanne would go 
                      to hell and back with me and for
                      me, and she has.

                                                                             -Vicky
             

Broken

I turned the corner and suddenly I see you. My lips turn into the biggest smile. There is my wonderful friend, I think to myself. I can't wait to reach you, to share some time with you. You don't see me. As I get closer, I see your eyes. Something is not right. You've been crying forever. I know you. I walk up to you. I know there is nothing but pain. I think I hear something breaking in two. I don't say anything, I just sit down next to you and let you have your thoughts. Tears rain down your face, there's nothing I can do.  I watch your fist hit your thigh, Whatever it is, the pain is just too great, too overwhelming for you. You know, I say, you're a good person. You just shake your head no. I get very concerned. You still won't talk. What caused you so much pain? Have you ever had to tell someone you love so much you just can't have a relationship with them anymore? No. I asked you who. You tell me. I can't say a thing. I know how much you both love each other so much. I go to show you my support by rubbing my friend's back. You shrugged away. You don't want anyone's touch, trust isn't there. You don't trust your friend, you don't trust yourself and you don't trust me at the moment. You finally speak up. Why is it that when my friend and I were as close as I thought we were, they couldn't be honest enough to tell me what was wrong between us? I don't get it. I have been honest with them and I told them they could always be honest with me, but they couldn't do it. Maybe they didn't want to hurt me. I could see the hurt in your eyes. They couldn't hide the fact that there was something wrong. I heard it in their voice. Right then I saw anger in your eyes. They said they were going to eventually tell me after they got it straight, but by that, I was really hurt and I was honest myself and I probably made it worst. I wanted a chance to tell them something before I lost the nerves to, and so I did. You look so sad. At least you were honest, I say to you. More tears come. I just said the wrong thing, I apologized. I look at you. May I hold your hand? Yes. I am proud of you, you know. This isn't easy huh, I whisper. You know I'm o.k. right? I know what you mean. Of course, I know.  I gently remind you of some things we have talked about. It will heal and it will get better. You promise? Yes, I promise. Don't lose faith. It takes all I can do to hold on to, my faith that is. Tell me something, do you feel like giving up? Sometimes. Please don't. Call me before anything happens. Promise me! I love you. I don't feel like saying those words. I know. You don't have to, I just thought I would tell you. It hurts so much. I know it does. I put my arms around you, you finally let me hug you. You can trust me.

                                                       I TRUST YOU SUZANNE

There's Always Heaven

They say that life is not always easy. Sometimes, you find a once in a lifetime friend - a friend you were meant to meet. A meeting planned out by God. A rare, planned friendship with no doubt to the mind. You realized the specialness as the union grows and strengthens. There is a bound that's really understood by only the two of you. People around you may have some understanding of it, but not totally. The love of God is between the two of you. That is why you love each other so much. The power to let God control the union is there. Nothing is forced. Sometimes, you forget to let God have control. This is where things can get mixed up, confusing. That's when you pray to God for help, make the union strong again in His love, because you only want it that way. Sometimes, God doesn't answer in a way that you would like. You may never know why. You just want God's way because you know His way is best. This doesn't mean you have to like it, but you must accept it. Questions are asked by you and understanding is so far from here. Only room for tears and pain. The knowledge of your friend being hurt by something you said is so real, it's the one thing you regret the most. It is an awful feeling. The memory of your friend crying haunts you beyond belief. It breaks your heart because so much love is still there. There is no way to take it back. You would move heaven and earth to apologize, but you're afraid to make a move. You are absolutely sorry. Never tell someone that honestly loves you so deeply that you hate yourself. It truly does break their heart. It's something you just don't do. People say you didn't really hurt your friend, but after hearing that dreadful sound, you don't believe them. You hurt as well. You don't really hate yourself, you've just shared something that is not easy to share at all. It's so painful, but you felt like you had to, get something said before it's too late. You know you must say good-bye. You feel that it's the best thing to do. The question is: how? How do you let go without having your hearts broken in two, knowing that it may take a long time to heal? Perhaps it will never heal, not completely anyway. The fact is, you don't. Your hearts will break, and there's no avoiding it. Not when there is so much love between you two. In this case, love will never die. Separation can not kill that kind of love, it is impossible. So you go do what you must do. It's the right thing to do. You still hate it. You plead with your friend not to hear some words between you, you can't bear to hear them. Your friend does not make you say them because they couldn't bear to hear them either. They will not say them as well. You can hear the breaking of two hearts loud and clear. You say one last prayer together. The time has come. I love you's are said very softly and tenderly. Those words are said with so much honesty. You hear a click, it's over. Before it is finished, these other words are said, giving at least some hope and at the time, a small amount of happiness - There's always Heaven.

                  I will always love you very much, my friend............

                                          
                                        In loving tribute to a friendship

                                           that will come full circle in

                                                       Heaven



                                 Love never ends...............


                                        1 Cor. 13:8
    






  

Sleepless Nights

Sleepless nights because of guilt. I try and focus on God, but the thing that I feel guilt about has got my attention. It will not let go. I was told that this thing wasn't a problem, but still, it will not let go. Another night without sleep.   

Coming Out of the Darkness

Coming out of the darkness is not easy, but it can be done.
Life is hard, and for some, even harder.
There are different degrees of darkness,
and different degrees of despair,
but to the soul, they all hurt the same.
Some must go through things longer and
must hurt more.
I often wonder, why? What's the point?
No one can answer that question,
but many say that it can be overcome.
For myself, I believe you must have faith,
you can not do it alone.
I know first hand how much a soul has to hurt
before coming out of the darkness,
but, thankfully, not all the time.
If one recognizes ahead of time,
they can get to work on
coming out of the darkness.
If the soul has the will and the faith,
like many of my friends and I have,
it can surely work.
All you have to do is,
have faith in the Almighty Father in Heaven,
with Him, all things are
possible.

I MADE IT BACK!!!
                                                        😃
                      PRAISE GOD!!!

Suicide

What this? I heard you thought of suicide? My heart sank at the words that are told to me. I have thought about it too. I've been where you were, although I took a different road there. My feelings were different from your feelings but we almost ended up in the same place. Think about it, if either one of us had let suicide rule, we would have never known each other. The pain you felt must have been real deep. I know, I felt it myself, even though your pain was different from mine. My pain was real deep too. However, suicide loss and life was the winner in both cases! Somehow we got a second chance and we won't let it go. Because of that second chance, I met you and you met me. We can know each other, we can laugh and share good times. We can depend on our friendship. We can walk hand in hand. We can have great conversations together. The best thing about all this is.... now we can love one another. 


                                                       
                                                                Mercy wins again  

I Don't Want It

Today you are sad. Today you are in a weird mood. I don't want it. I don't want to feel sad just because you feel sad. I don't want to be mad because you're mad. I woke up feeling good today. I want to stay that way. I love you and I'm sorry for your pain and I'll pray for you, but to feel the way you feel just because you feel that way, I don't want it. 

Longing for a Friend

She wakes in the morning sighing. She gets dress and eats breakfast and she sighs.  She keeps thinking about her friend. She longs to see her friend, to give her a good morning hug, the kind that lasts a couple minutes, and says all that she feels. She walks down the road in silence looking at nature's beauty and thinks of her friend's beauty. It makes her feel warm inside, and yet melancholy. She used to walk down the road arm in arm with her friend laughing along the way, pointing at the lovely colors. She climbs their hill and looks out at the gorgeous landscape wishing her friend was with her. She picks some wildflowers that they used to pick together and starts to cry. She whispers a little prayer in her tender heart for her friend. She reaches into her pocket and feels the rosary she used to pray with her friend and it makes her cry even more. She remembers the letters her friend wrote her and manages a small smile, but still, the tears come. She starts to walk back to the house amidst nature's beauty. Suddenly she stopped. What is she looking at? What is it? What's up ahead? Up at the house? Her friend has come home. Is it a dream? She starts to run. Her friend sees her and starts running towards her. Her tears of sorrow have suddenly turned into tears of joy. She grabs her friend in her arms and holds on tight whispering I love you a couple times. Her friend returns her I love yous. The friends kiss each other and she gets that hug she was longing for. They stood there holding hands and looking at each other. No words were spoken between them. Nature was always beautiful to her, but since her friend has been away, it was just not the same for her. In that moment in time, nature came back alive for her. The colors were somehow brighter, even more beautiful, just wonderful. Her friend kicked off her shoes and they started walking down the road just as naturally, as carefree as they did before. She knew at that moment that she would no longer be longing for her friend. 

                                                           -For a friend I met in college

Look Upon the Stars the Right Way

There is only one God and He created the Heaven and the earth. He also created the stars. God created so many beautiful stars, and so many people looked upon the stars the wrong way. They use them to guide charts. There was only the one time when the three wise men follow that star to Bethlehem and that was by God's instructions. People predict the future by using the stars. We did not make the stars as I pointed out before. The Bible says that they are not to be worshipped. Each star and there are billions of stars, are different from each other in its shape and beauty. It is fun to look up at the stars and dream of what could be out there or just to reflect on what a beautiful world we have. We should always remember to look upon the stars the right way, the way they were meant to be looked upon.

   

My Ode to Fishnet By Vicky Cain

                                      What a place to be

                                     

                                      A place of  harmony,

                                      A place of brotherhood

                                      Look around, all kinds of

                                      people that believe in one

                                      thing - Lord of All

                                       

                                      What a celebration!

                                      All eyes on one stage

                                      enjoying music, fellowship,

                                      prayer time, sermons and

                                      worshipping lovingly together.

                                      A gift from above

                                      A warm feeling was giving

                                      To me from my stay there,

                                       friendship and precious

                                       memories to hold on to

                                       with a promise to return

                                       one day soon for more

                                       Fishnetpeace!

                                                                            

Dedicated to Holly, John,

Judy, Diane, Kathy, Frank,

Ruth, Ray, Brian, David, Joy &

Alice

To Our Father in Heaven

 

                                        

                                                

Play Time

A little girl is playing in a big field. A big, beautiful field full of nature's treasures. All kinds of beautiful wildflowers. The little girl runs all through the pretty flowers laughing out loud.  She points at all the colors. A man seems to be watching her at play. He is a very kind, gentleman who doesn't bother the little girl.  He smiles as he watches and laughs. The little girl doesn't notice the man, she is so busy at play. She runs all around, jumping through the flowers. She is so happy and laughs, laughs and laughs. She is about three or four years old. She knows that she is loved. The sunshine is out in the beautiful, blue sky full of big fluffy white clouds. The man thinks that this little girl is just a smaller version of the sunshine. She looked up at the big clouds and dreams up pictures, and pointing, maybe a rabbit, a pony, or perhaps an angel. The man loves the little girl so dearly. He has all power to protect until He brings her home to her everlasting home where she will be able to play all the time. For now, He watches over her. A butterfly suddenly flies around the little girl's head keeping just out of reach. It seems to be dancing with the girl as the girl happily chases it all around. She is having so much fun. It makes her feel good. Her laughing never ends. She falls down, but she keeps on laughing, she isn't hurt. As she gets up, her eyes catch a glimpse of a violet patch and she points, screaming with delight and runs towards the patch of violets. The man laughed at the sight of her happiness. She picks a whole bunch and holds them close to her heart giving the biggest smile anyone has seen. The man put the patch there for her. The girl dances all around with her newfound treasures. After a while, the girl starts to feel sleepy. It is a good kind of sleepy. The girl looks over at the man and feels comfortable with him. So she walked over to Him and tells him she is sleepy. The man smiles and picks her up. He sits on a tree stump with her in his arms holding her close. The little girl drifts off to sleep, dreaming of happy times. The man kisses her on her forehead. He sits on the tree stump whispering that playtime is over and that there will be another time for play.
                                                                                                                                                                                       

Airy Hoofs

Somewhere in the wilderness, the trees are all dress up in their finest whites, awaiting an enchanted winter ball. A new blanket of snow had fallen the night before. It is always a beautiful sight, the forest in the wintertime.  There is a deer in the far off distance ascending on a carefree journey. Along this journey, she leaves tracks of her airy hoofs. A set of four little holes can be found in a row along a path through the forest. I wonder what this deer was thinking of as she made her trip among the trees of the forest. Was she taking in the breathtaking, sparkling scenery of the wilderness? Sometimes, it's hard to find food for herself in the wintertime, but somehow, Someone always provides for the dear and others like her. The deer has instincts and she knows how to survive during these cold times in the wilderness.


  

Restoring Me Again

God sees me in that state again. He looks upon me with worry. His disturbing looking face quickly turned into a caring smile. He gets set to work again. He gets ready, happily, for another challenge that's not really a challenge to Him at all. He knows I will listen and He calls out my name over and over again till I do. He tells me it's alright to cry just so I let Him wipe my tears away. He gently guides me to the right path again, being careful not to push too hard. He knows how fragile I am. He's, a loving Father, who takes me by my little hand and steadies me so I can catch my balance.  I look to Him with concern and He tells me not to worry, He is right there and will protect me. I am tired and weary and He picks me up and carries me. He smiles giving me hope and love. I lay myself down to sleep and He rubs my head tenderly and stands watching, helping me to get the rest I need. He lets nothing disturb my dreams and pours out love and mercy on me. He tells me how much He really does love me and what a good child I am, whispering that I am beautiful in His eyes. He gently tells me what I must do and points me in the right direction. He is proud of me and my accomplishments and He lovingly forgives me, letting me know to forgive myself. I wake up feeling restored again and I give God my thanks and praise, telling Him I love Him. I get up and start my day. He takes my hand again.


                                      
                                                          My Child, I will
                                                          build you up 
                                                          again!   

                                                                        

Sadness Again

I feel sad again God. I feel like I'm somewhere and I don't know my way back. I turn to You and it helps for a while, but then I feel lost again. I know You're here and You are loving me, You're sad for me. All I can do is draw near to You and try to keep the negative thoughts from coming back. They come back anyway. Why didn't something happen God? I don't understand. I know I didn't do anything wrong this time. The least little thing can make me cry. Sometimes I wish You come take me home, but I don't want to go home until You come to get me. It's just that this pain is so unbearable and I can't make it go away. I can't love myself. Will You please love me for me until I am strong again? My friends want to love me through this. They love me so much. I know this will never change. I know that deep in my heart I know this. It gives me comfort every time I remember this.  I think that deep in my heart I know this. Lord, help me through this, help me get the help I need. I need You God, I need my DaddyGod. Come and hold me, come and rock me to sleep.

Worlds Apart : What The Words Mean to Me

The song "Worlds Apart" by the Christian band, Jars of Clay reminds me of my personal struggles with the life inside of me. Struggling for freedom from real fears within me. The guilt I so often unnecessarily deal with. I have shared my fears with some of the people I trusted the most only to lose those people, which, unfortunately, has happened. I am left to heal my heart alone.  The sadness lasts a long time along with the tears I cry. The lyrics of this song hit me. It has affected me in a very strong and meaningful way:

"I am the only one to blame for this"   I think, how true it is.  In a difficult situation, I will take the blame on myself, not giving myself one inch of a break. "Why did I let this happen?"

"Somehow it all ends up the same"   The same thing happened before with the same results. Sad and lonely and brokenhearted.

"Soaring on the wings of selfish pride"   Although I don't have selfish pride, it is another character defect that I must have.

"I flew too high and like a charus, I collide"   Like a fool, I put all my trust into something only to get hurt once again and it's mostly my fault.

"With a world, I try so hard to leave behind"   The fears, the guilt, the doubts, the struggles and the thoughts inside my head are only parts of the world I try so hard to leave behind.

"To rid myself of all but love..."   Sometimes I am so critical of other people. A side of myself I do not like. But mostly, I need to rid myself of all but love for me. Sometimes I feel that my not liking myself is slowly killing me inside.

"To live and die"  When am I ever going to live solely for God? That's my true desire.

"To turn away and not become another nail to pierce the skin of the One who loves me more than the ocean, more abundant than the tear of a world embracing every heartache"   I know I am not perfect, but to me, I always seems to do wrong even if it's a little thing, I always feel so ashamed. so guilty knowing that I caused pain.   

"Can I be the one who sacrifice"   I feel that I should have been the one to pay for my sins, for what I have done. The one who should have hung from the tree.

"Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow"   All this verse reminds me of is what the soldier did at Christ's crucifixion. I don't think I would want to do this. I would want to run away after they have killed my God. Or would I be coping out by doing that? I don't know.

"To love you - take my world apart"   I want so much for God to change my world so I can love Him more perfectly.

"To need you - I am down on my knees - take my world apart"   I often struggle to really have God as the one true center of my life. I am always pleading with God to help me make this happen.

"To love you - take my world apart"   It kills me to think I could love another more than God, Himself. I am racked with guilt.

"To need you - take my world apart"   Sometimes I am so low on my knees endlessly begging God to take my world apart through my sobbing tears. These are the times I really feel broken, only God can heal me and put me together again.

"All that said and done I stand alone"   I often stand in front of God alone with all my troubled thoughts and negativity. Sometimes, I feel I am left alone by people I honestly trusted when things get too tough for them to handle. This is when I am truly heartbroken. I am all alone. What have I done that was so wrong?

"Amongst remains if a life I should not own"   I do not like the part of my life that haunts me. I do not like the guilt that comes with that part of my life, I do not like the fear that comes along with it too. I do not want to own it.

"Did you really have to die for me?"   I believe that I'm the one that should have died for my sins and my crimes, not Christ.

"All I am for all you are"   I long to be more Christ-like and less of myself.

"Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart"   I believe so much in God and I very much need Him in my life, but I struggle and fight painfully for this because my mind and being gets in the way of what I want and what I need all the time. 

These are additional lyrics to the song "Worlds Apart" and what they mean to me:

"I look beyond the empty cross"   I look beyond the beauty that's in the Cross and into a world of loneliness and darkness. I forget that I am saved from that world.

"Forgetting what my life has cost"   I forget what my sins have done to the One I love the most.

"And wipe away the crimson stains"   I kind of wipe off His Blood that covers me as protection against my sins when I forget what was done for me.

"And dull the nails that still remains" I forget all the pain Christ went through for me.

"More and more I need you now"   This is when I remember what I have caused, in the middle of my guilt and how much I need God to make me whole again.

"I owe you more each passing hour"   The more I sin, the more I owe God all of me.

"The battle between grace and pride"   The battle between what is inside of me and the life God so wants for me is very strong sometimes. I want God to win so desperately this battle. In the end, I know He will be victorious!

"I gave up not too long ago"   I do not want to fight with my God about my imperfections and insecurities. I want Him to win the battle all the time. He will too.

"So steal my heart and take the pain"   I say this almost every time I fall on my knees because I find that I have to pray this prayer in order to be truly happy.

"And wash the feet and cleanse my pride"   I ask God to wash me of all my sins and guilt as long as I live. Help me to become a much better person.

"Take the selfish, take the weak"   I lift all my imperfections up to God. 

"And all the things I cannot hide"   There is not one thing I can hide from God and I am forever grateful for this fact.

"Take the beauty, take my tears" I do not only want God to take the things that make me weak but also the beauty of my world and my tears and hold all of these things close to His heart.

"The sin-soaked heart and make it yours"   I am forever asking God to change my heart and to make it pure.

"Take my world all apart"   Always asking Him to take away all my guilt, pain, heartaches and all the things that hold me back. To take my whole world and fill it with nothing but goodness.

"Take it now, take it now"   I beg of this from Him every day.

"And serve the ones that I despise"   Take the evil spirits and cast them from my life.

"Speak the words I can't deny"   I want to speak of His words in all areas of my life.

"Watch the world I used to love"   I did not ever love the world that blinded me. The world that caused me so much anguish.

"Fall to dust and thrown away"   Slowly, God is that world and throwing it away for me, but with my help. That is the key. I must help Him do it. 

"I look beyond the empty cross"   I look beyond the beauty that's in the Cross and into a world of loneliness and darkness. I forget that I am saved from that world.

"Forgetting what my life has cost"   Sometimes, I don't want to look at why Christ had to die for me.

"So wipe away the crimson stains"   I want so greatly for God to wash the dirtiness away from me.

"And dull the nails that still remains"   I need God to do away with all the pain that my brokenness has caused me.

"So steal my heart and take the pain"   I say this almost every time I fall on my knees because I find that I have to pray this prayer in order to be truly happy.

"Take the selfish, take the weak"   I lift up all my imperfections to God.

"And all the things I cannot hide"   There is not one thing I can't hide from God and I'm so grateful for this fact.

"Take the beauty, take the tears"   I do not only want God to take the things that make me weak but also the beauty of my world and my tears and hold all of these things close to His heart.

"Take my world apart, take my world apart"   I cry and I plead with God to take my whole world apart.

"I pray, I pray, I pray"   I pray night and day for this. I pray all the time for this.

"Take my world apart"   Do it, Lord. Please do it.

These words remind me of my journey with my personal struggles. I must not go it alone. I must bring God along. I need to solely seek and rely on Him when I am in the middle of a painful conflict, knowing that He will never turn away, I will never lose Him. I need to continue to ask Him to grant me freedom from my guilt and relief from the tears I cry. To fill my life with meaning and take away the sadness. To take my world apart.