God, My Life Line

I look up and start to feel it. It comes back. A terrible feeling settles back in. Oh no. Not again.  My heart gets heavy again. Guilt. What an ugly feeling. I get frighten once more. Ugly thoughts clouds my head. I know I don't have to be in this space, I don't have to be in this place. I get angry at the one person who needs me the most at this time. I make her feel even more terrible. I make her feel even more guilty, but I don't have to. This is awful. For the moment I am helpless. I scream please forgive me! I hear someone say why? For what? I try to explain. Someone says I haven't done anything wrong. I don't believe them. I know they're right down deep inside, but I still don't believe. I start to cry. I back away for fear I might offend. I hide my shame.Guilt turn into hate. I hate this person that needs me the most. She needs my love the most, but still I hate her. I make a ball and hide away. Somehow I manage to call out.  Call out in desperation. Father, where are You? Please help me. I am afraid. Maybe I offended Him too. Please hear me. Somehow, I don't know how, I feel Him coming for me. In the midst of my guilt, He comes. He smiles gently at me.  In the quiet, He sits with me. He whispered softly that it's o.k., it's all right. Quiet your heart. I talk with Him. Tears are flowing. I ask for prayers. I start to tell people who I know love me. People, I know that won't walk away. I tell them honestly what I am feeling. They will hurt when they hear what I have to say. I apologize for that. They say don't apologize. I want to hear whatever you have to say. They hurt for me, not because of me. I ask for prayers. They say without a doubt. I look to God, my Life Line. He settles me. He holds me. He keeps me from falling. He gives me what I need. I start to feel better, but I still hold on to Him. He takes all the guilt away from me. He places love and courage in my heart and gets me to love that person again and He'll do it over and over again if I should fall once more. He tells me that I am not perfect, and that's o.k. He accept me as I am. He loves me as I am. He once again tells me to accept me and love me as I am and He happily gives me the grace to. Yes, God is my Life Line.